Monday, December 07, 2015

The year of 2015 is almost coming to an end.

I would summarize my 2015 to be....splendid.

Apart from work, my personal life has been great. I'm thankful for my family, my friends and my love, Nerizza. The major change to my life plan was perhaps the idea of schooling. Instead of SIT I opted for NUS instead, in a bid of a more challenging and rewarding environment. School is almost starting, next year Jan and I'm hoping I'll be able to cope after the 4 year hiatus from books. Of course I've been doing self study and revision. Afterall, when you're spending your own money on studies, you'll give it your best.

What about major happenings?
Let me type as I recall....
Topace, SG50, Tindal, School

Participated in the yearly competition called Topace. Pretty good experience I would say. Exposed myself to the interview board where I got to see "management". One point to note, I'm a pretty serious person but I like to smile, be happy and be optimistic. I don't like how people associate my nature as unprofessional. Everyone asks me to relax and enjoy the atmosphere, which I do. But when I hear that my hand gestures during speeches were not welcomed, I'm honestly disturbed. I wonder if they ever attend courses on how to speak. Anyway, the interview is over and I hope I don't have to face those "rigid" minded people again.


Right, the event that burned countless weekends for the aerial display 50.
Am I proud? Kinda
What did I enjoy about the event? Well for a start I think it was pretty cool to play a part in the celebration of the nation's birthday, albeit my role.
I can see MBS from where I work so I think it was pretty cool to see the planes fly from my side all the way to the town area and literally see the figure 50 formed both in the TV and in front of my eyes.
I also went for the national day preview with my mom! I'm glad I bought her as it's her first time experiencing the national day parade on set.

Right I've just ended my detachment in Australia. This is the first time I've stepped foot in Australia. It was a good experience, work wise and adventure wise.
Lets not talk about work but rather, talk about the sight seeing!
I saw countless ant mounts, and sceneries.... Let the photo do the talking!

Last but not least, this is probably the best news I've gotten for year 2015,
Which is I'm officially an NUS undergrad.
I've never thought that I would be able to get into NUS. I thank my family, friends and my love, Nerizza for all their support during the bridging and admission test.
It will be a agonizing 4 years I'm told. I'm mentally preparing myself for the countless night of study for the next 4 years. I'll be able to make it through and do everyone proud.
Ps, getting a degree has always been my childhood goal. I've never foresee during then that getting a degree in modern age singapore would be a necessity. Nonetheless, I'm getting this degree for my personal achievement purpose as well as my key to engineering roles.

I've just celebrated my birthday recently a few days ago.
I'm glad I got to celebrate it with my family, my mom, my sister and my love, Nerizza.

All in all, 2015 was a great year for me.
I hope 2016 will continue to be a blast.

Happy 2015 everyone :)

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Counting down 482 days.

The day I'll be free. The day where I can finally do the things that I wanted. The day where my choices and decisions affect the rest of my life.
I've been preparing for this day and I'm still preparing for this day.
It won't be easy stepping out of this circle initially. It certainly won't be easy for me to juggle between school and work for the upcoming 4 years. But i'll do my best and do everyone important to me proud.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I want and I need a cuddle on the bed with you the entire day.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

"Just like last year"

It hurts me to see you like this. On my part, I feel so helpless, especially when you're so important to me.
I did what I needed to. To give us space so you can heal in your own pace and so I can re-look at myself.
Not the best situation we're in but I have faith, I really do.

I was once a very confident man, told myself "lol I don't need love. And I certainly won't crumble to a heartbreak. Afterall, love helps to enrich me better not sustain me. Guess I kindda got lost in the process.

From a confident man who doesn't blink at love, I chose to take a leap of faith and fall in love with you. You are truly beautiful, a gem like I told you.
From a confident man I became a caring man. I started learning how to look out and care for you. Your wants, needs, emotions, struggles. I took into account of your well being at a start and end for all my decisions so that its a good one for you.
From a caring man, I became a still caring, but not so attached man. You went away. I became needy.
Asking myself from day to day, what would I become without you.
From a needy man, I became lost. I lost myself into this game of love. I thought I could handled it well, afterall love helps to enrich me not sustain me. But seems like I was wrong.
I was stuck in a cycle where I care for you, sometimes too much, you push me away, I get hurt but that scumbag optimism haunts me and I'm back again to care for you.

In the midst of all these, roughly about a year, I stopped loving myself. My day to day activities were all about and for you. My life was revolving around you. Now that I realized.
This is definitely not the type of person I thought I would become. How could I starve myself from myself, while feeding myself to you. I didn't love myself enough and now that I think about it, I'm really angry at myself. But its not solely because of you. I just didn't know how to handle myself well. Sometimes you gotta fall to learn.

I guess I truly didn't understand what you really need at this point in time: To face your battles alone.
I thought that you need someone to be there for you and keep you in line. I'm easily discouraged and that why I repeatedly get pissed when you go hot and cold.

We're at both ends of the world when it comes into recovery.
You were the type who required sufficient "me-time" from everybody and everything.
I was the type who needed to be flooded with concerns for validation.

For now, we shall both fight in our own areas.
Believe me, I still yearn for the day where you'll come back to me after all these ends.

"If marriage wasn't the goal of this relationship, I wouldn't have begun on this journey at all."

"I tell myself you don't mean a thing,
 And what we got, got no hold on me 
But when you're not there I just crumble 
I tell myself I don't care that much, 
But I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch, 

Only love, only love can hurt like this, 
Only love can hurt like this
 Must have been a deadly kiss 
Only love can hurt like this"